Wednesday, January 12, 2011

lonely? homesick? or just bored?

I went on my official first day of job hunting today. shesh, you think a college town someone would interview you right on the spot but I guess not. I am hoping if no one calls (holding hope someone does call) my interview for TWU video editor goes great. I am kinda glad she moved it from this friday to next friday. I have 8 days to practice and use my editing program. I think I need to go walk around town and throw random vlogs together. Any ideas?

Interesting story, if you are a friend of mine on FB then you know about my wonderful adventure last night. my back neighbor finally made an appearance...not a welcome one though.
Last night about midnight 03 I finally was able to get comfortable and lay down. Just as I was starting to shut my eyes and fade from my magazine I was reading low and behold their presence. Randomly awful moans with a responding grunt here and there. Yes ladies and gents the skank behind me and our oh so amazingly constructed paper thin walls. I would guess I was about 24 inches away from the skank and grunt going full paced hard core porn style. you could hear everything, and i mean evvvvverything. Thats including the random "are you close?" repeatedly asked to the grunt. joy, is my full response.

Now I mentioned these paper thin walls did I mention I had music on at 9:45 Sunday and the girl UPSTAIRS told me it was too loud!

Now I know everyone on my side of the building lives alone. However even the skank made me feel pretty lonely last night and today.
Finding someone before I left Corpus christi, someone who genuinely cared about me, took care of me, and is one of the most amazing people I have ever met was absolutely a great experience, and best relationship I've had. Just makes me miss him a lot. Yes, it brings me to tears I have a nice little void, missing my comfort, being in his arms, and feeling so protected from anyone and even words. i miss him a lot. You always find the best ones when you aren't looking.
With all these "i love you"s & "missing you"s from him, my sister, my best friends & mom have kinda gotten to me. Not to mention the ever growing stress of having no job and watching the bank account dwindle down to a double digits soon to be a single, yeah doesn't help so much. Yes I would like to think my void in my heart is growing. Though its been suggested I am just bored waiting for school, that thought has crossed my mind as I drive the streets of Denton with no where to go.

If there is anything I have learned, its God has a path and gives me things he knows I am capable of. So instead of what I have repeated in the past and cry my little eyes out until I fall asleep I will be praising God and giving him all the thanks for putting me in such a blessed and beautiful position in my life.
I have conquered an awful divorce where anyone even a cheater (all but him) would say I was wrongly done. I know I deserve all the best in the world and I am here in my position and it wouldn't be made possible if I was not meant to be here right now. With that said: my past doesn't define me.
it is those past experiences, stories, and relationships who have built me to be who i am today. and today that is yet feeling lonely, I am in Denton, TX a 24 year old female who has struggled in the past but has more determination than I have ever had in my life to finish and prove to those who did not believe in me to stay by me that they have their views all wrong and who they thought I was was just yet another bad judgement in their life. and finally one day I can say "look who is on top now".

so for now when I am feeling lonely, I know I am not.

I will leave you with this verse

"but they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; 
they shall mount up with wings as eagles; 
they shall run, and not be weary; 
and they shall walk, and not faint." -Isaiah 40:31

p.s. with this said I believe I might be attempting a church or two sunday morning.

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